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Friday, October 31, 2014
  1970s Cereal Killers

What did I hear just now in social media...?!?

My old faves Frankenberry and Count Chocula might be making a huge comeback all across North America...?  Such news are all I need to verse nostalgic over those things that I hold dear to my heart whenever I think back to my childhood...

And there is no better reason than this to look back at them cereal creatures that I used to have as tablemates on the old breakfasts between ages five and twelve, approximately...!


Up against the five freaks from General Mills, 
the Kelloggs Crew never stood a chance: 
I mean, come on now - 
a tiger, a toucan, a rabbit, three dwarves and some other bird 
against five monsters (or parodies of monsters, really) 
(especially to Little Luminous Me... !)

Which one of those sorry Kelloggs guys 
was caught with the dead-end job of promoting 
Cocoa Puffs anyway... hmm? 
The last one on the right end, surely...
Up against this Count, he didn't stand a chance!

Now THIS is the Count I remember!
I do NOT remember getting my ''bath time fun kit', however...? 
What gives...?!?  (And was it not ''batty time'' in truth?)

Bela Lugois has seen more embarrassing moments than this... 
(Right, Abbott & Costello?)

Always wondered which Count was of true blood though...!
I guess we will never know...

Chocula vs Duckula vs Dracula... 
with those two old coots in the middle as referees! 
What a brawl-for-not-much-at-all that would be!

The years have not been so good for that cooky old Count, though: 
I profoundly hate the new look he has, these days...
I guess that, just like Wolverine, 
they had a problem with the hairdo...

Now this makes me think we forgot a Count back there:
Count Dooku!
Oh well... 
Dooku doesn't count...

art by JH Clark IV

art by Jeremy Scott

I just remembered that I was extremely pale 
back in those days when I had the habit 
of wolfing down a bowl of this stuff for breakfast - 
with some milk and nothing else! 
I wasn't as pale as that Twilight dude, mind you;
but the remembrance triggered the need 
to add this to the mix here: 

This ongoing controversy 
is a raging debate amongst fanboys - and fangirrrls- 
(fangboys and fangirls?) all across the board, after all...

And it triggers yet another form of acute nostalgia 
for an (allegedly) fanged one...

Now surely Elvira grew up on Chocula, too; 
and she must have had a huge crush on him 
- especially if he ever turns in live action 
like this:

art by... ?!?

art by Mike Burns

The Brute had a huge sugar rush one time -
accounts for his momentary dyslexia 
(or simple inability to spell here...?)

A bad example for the kids, all around...

The DCU has its ''top three'' 
(sometimes sacrilegiously referred to as a ''trinity'' - ha!) 
Marvel swears only by Spidey, Wolvie and... ah... Deadpool now? 
And General Mills always went with these top three best-sellers as well -
unceremoniously ditching the two fruity ones, Brute and Mummy, in the process! 
I guess that should make Fruit Brute and Yummy Mummy my true favorites then: 
for they are the Aquaman and Thing of this GM team...! 
(GM...? Heaven forbid General Motors gets mascots - ever!)

''Craftgossip'' came to my ear too late...

Here's the Count hogging the spotlight all to himself once again...
Alas, this Chocula costume is NOT AVAILABLE anymore 
at Party City... 

It is true, however, that all the chicks dig Chocula...

Truth be told, 
the two Berries are much more fun than the Count...

And sorry, fruity (frutey?) ones:
I already ever knew thee, 
Fruit (Frute) Brute 
Yummy Mummy...
But I am sure you made 
that Froot Loops toucan 
run through hoops for thee...
Maybe e'll get to finally sample 
the fourth and the fifth 
of this monster mash 
of cereal killers... 
now, at my age...
And they said 
that once one grows older, 
we should let go 
of them 
''childish things''...
Then again, 
others say 
that only by embracing 
your innocence within 
can you access 
the Paradise 
all souls yearn for...! 

No one said if that included 
sugary poisons like those...

One last amusing reimagining 
of these childhood characters 
one has an unexplainable 
outright irrational fondness for...

Mod The Sims style...

Well... I think I'll be sticking to 
LIFE Cereal
after all...

(Yeah; I like it, I like it!)

Sempre Por O MELHOR...!


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