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Tuesday, October 31, 2006


WCW... what were you doing?!?

Early on, they teamed up The Giant with a pathetic looking Yeti of all things (looked more like a Mummy to me) in an attempt to have "two scary monsters bent on destroying the heroic Hulk Hogan" - ha! A stable of lame-ass guys was built around the Giant and this Yeti to be the "horrible/horrific villains of service"... They had not much going there in terms of a scare factor though... Kevin Sullivan (aka Gamesmaster aka Taskmaster aka "the devil" to some...) led that silly "Dungeon of Doom" (which was equal parts his old Varsity Club and also a very obvious Legion of Doom pastiche - not to mention an umpteenth attempt at forming a "scary stable" based on the occult that seemed to be something he had always had close to heart throughout his life... This Dungeon as well as his earlier "Army of Darkness" though would always be profoundly... well, ridiculous!)
The Dungeon started out with members such as his old chums from the silliest foils of all ("The Three Faces of Fear" - three monkeys would have been scarier...) transformed into "Zodiac" and "Shark" (Brutus Beefcake, recycled once again - and big man Paul Tenta, former Avalanche and Earthquake, showing his versatility by going "Shark Attack! Shark Attack! What are you gonna do, Hulk Hogan, when the Shark attacks YOU?" - sheesh!!! What an ingenious twist! Sullivan's idea - no doubt! How original. But now I wonder... Was Tenta tentatively stating his intention to only work at Bashes at the Beaches and/or Beach Blasts?!? But I digress...) and many others joined, soon enough, to give it a ''legion'' look...
The silly Dungeon, however, was soon left without either a Yeti (who mysteriously, as mercifully, just disappeared) or a Giant - who betrayed them to join the NWO. Their lame attempt at adjoining themselves a LOCH NESS MONSTER (just a fat man from the deep south, basically...) was quickly dismissed too... They were left with only so-called scary guys such as Meng, The Barbarian, Kamala, Hugh Morrus, Konnan (soon gone too) and they did have a Leprechaun, to their credit... But he didn't do much, though - interfered in some matches, here and there, that's about it... (Still, he must have inspired the Smackdown revival of a Little One -pardon, a LITTLE BASTARD- and frequent helper to fellow Irishman FINLAY, himself a former WCW guy...)

Many years later, WCW would again try to have a band of horrific, "ghastly grapplers" in the trio formed by VAMPIRO, THE GREAT MUTA and THE DEMON - the latter really a Gene Simmons from KISS clone... These three, though a vast, immense, immeasurable improvement upon the pathetic Three Faces of Fear, well... These three -as the Dark Carnival- truly never gelled as a team either! They even had the most obtuse twist in their little storyline when they had THE DEMON being the nicest of the trio and turning on the other two, to help STING...!!! (Like, KISS my a$$,
WCW! Demons AREN'T nice! And you can't make them - nor portray them out to appear as though they could be!!! Digressing... I know! Sue me - willya?!?)

The scariest team in WCW history is the one that NEVER WAS... They had, as seen on the top picture, this DEATH AVATAR OF THE SQUARED CIRCLE named Mortis (really Chris Kanyon, but let's forget that for a second here - suspension of disbelief oblige! That's in the French sense, by the way! Mortis is the character-child of a concept-man like me; Andre Frietas of AFX Studios. ANYBODY could have played the character; ANYBODY. "Who's better than Kanyon?" ANYBODY! That's who! But I digress once again... Sigh!)

ANYWAY... Imagine this for a second: Mortis and La Parka as the "duo of DEATH" or something! It would have been TERRIFIC! Both had skulls for masks (duh!) - both were death incarnate! Both had moves! One cannot get any scarier than that! AND YET... To my knowledge, the dumb bookers of WCW (led by... surprise, surprise... Kevin Sullivan!) NEVER teamed up these two! La Parka being a luchadore and Mexican, he was segregated - cast aside, with the other luchadores... Mortis was always booked to lose, to boring-sleep-inducing Glacier...!  That blatant copying of Mortal Kombat never worked; in part due to the fact that it is wrestling after all - not ''mortal'' combat at all there! Eventually, Mortis let his new pal, WRATH, try and take care of Glacier - and he lost too! Tag matches were made: but only the equally boring Ernest ''The Cat'' Miller was introduced, to be Glacier's partner! The deadly duo that was such a natural alliance never came to be. Pathetic lack of creativity... Among MANY other things... alas!

Sadly this is just one of many instances where WCW completely missed the boat...

Strike one - not focusing enough on the 4 Horsemen
Strike two - focusing too much on the nWo
Strike three - no Mortis & La Parka team of DEATH!

Yup - that's my take on it and I'm sticking to it!

Oh yeah - this, too!
(for no good reason at all... but hey, it goes this way; 
when in doubt, wrestle!)



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Born in the Age of Aquarius, destined to seek out truths in many an art form, trained as a historian and a journalist but truly a prose-lover... Luciano is out to dispel any clich├ęs and reinvent them all both to the tune of a little something called the truth as also to his own image - and being old-fashioned, he does not mind that distinction one infinitesimal tiny bit at all...! "There are two ways to spread the light; be the candle... or the mirror that reflects It." I have chosen to be the latter... okay? ~*~ "To be not only a seeker of light... but a dream weaver of light" ~*~ For as surely as the moon reflects the light from the sun, you and I can reflect the Light from Above - and be, indeed, the light of this world! ~*~*~*~

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